Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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