My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
