Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
