Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
