Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
