I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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