alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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