Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
