i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize