Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
