And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
