Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
