Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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