I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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