I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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