Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize