I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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