I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
