Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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