sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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