I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
