We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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