Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
