WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
