I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im six kinds of drunk right now
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
