You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize