I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
