Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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