spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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