So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
