dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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