I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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