Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
