Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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