I need help removing her.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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