Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
