That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
