Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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