Kareoke will never be a sober sport
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
