Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
