Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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