tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
