Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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