this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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