I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
