He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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