Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
