I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
