Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
