a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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