I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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