I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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