this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
