My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
