dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
