She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
