I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
