You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
