Sry I called you an 8
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
