No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
