She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize