Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
