a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
