dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
