u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
