She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize