If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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