He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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