I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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