.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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