She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
