We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
