dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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