why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
