thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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