hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ladies don't puke and tell
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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