I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
