just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
