I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
