Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think your dad took our porno
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
