dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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