she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
