the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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