On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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