I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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