he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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