How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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