Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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