Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
