No awkward lesbian experiences without me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This is the high leading the old right now
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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