Where did you get a picture of my penis
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
