i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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