Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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