I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
