GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
