I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
