So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it glows. i had to have it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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