Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
