Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
