I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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