youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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