so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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