I need help removing her.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
