By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
