you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
