I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Please don't give away my fajitas
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
